Isoc “double agents” are harbouring at many PRs (prayer rooms). By day only the tastiest of Krispy Kremes and kebabs can motivate certain humble looking brothers to relinquish bumming around and pull their I-Socks up to reply to important emails and get busy with some serious work. By night, our double agents are the champions of the online world. Walking, talking, breathing internet pirates. Amidst my precarious voyage a few key personalities have been noted:

1. Status Seeker
*News flash*. Every few minutes our status seeker indulges in an update. What’s happened now? “Abdullah is 30 hours away from Dubai”…“Abdullah is 29 hours away from Dubai”… “Abdullah is 10 hours away from Dubai”…. “Abdullah is in Dubai”. Khadejah comments “Hehe”. What a hero Abdullah and Alhamdulilah you’ve made it now to spare my homepage the “e-assault”. Then you have Habeeb. I feel I probably know Habeeb better than his own mother. “Habeeb likes cookies”… a few minutes later “Habeeb loves cookies with little cream nuts”. Habeeb please!

They say “empty vessels make the most noise” and I’ve never come across a vehicle like facebook for such empty expressions. In Surah muminoon Allah swt starts by describing the believers and in the second ayah, following the Kushoo (reverence) in their prayers, we’re told they are “those who turn away from Al-Laghw”.  Al-Laghw describes all forms of vain, empty and false types of talk. The prophet (SAW) is also our bench mark, as one who has blessed with few words yet the most comprehensive of speech. He (SAW) said: “Let him who believes in Allah and the Last Day either speak good or keep silent….” (Bukhari and Muslim). If you’re a senseless status seeker then InshaAllah seek the status of the akhira with those that expressed little, yet comprehended much.

2. Picture Pundit
Now this guy is desperately looking for any photo opportunity. Walking around left right and centre with a colgate smile and an 8 megapixel camera phone. Whether they’re on top of a mountain, on some cheap TV programme, on holiday or even a baby photo from the past will do. They’ll go at any length, even do a photo-shop job to attain that ideal pic and every few days “viola” a fresh update for the loyal fans. You’ll see our pundit at any and every event trying to scrounge a picture with anything that remotely resembles a celebrity. Get a life! A few profile pics are seriously enough for us to know who you are.

Agent 00M is not against FB pictures and some are nothing short of sublime such as mesmerising landscapes and exquisite wildlife. Plus it’s wondeful to share magical moments with friends and family e.g. the birth of a new child, holidays or a special occasion in a far away land.

BUT keep them Halal. It’s astonishing to see the amount of “practising muslims” caught red handed at free mixed dinners, New Year parties, touching and hugging stuff that is clearly non-mahram. Classic Isoc double agent! Of course I’ll assume they’re a blast from the past, images from jaahiliyya and I’ll also ignore the dates. BUT sinning publically is dead serious, as the prophet (SAW) said:

“All of my ummah may be forgiven except those who commit sin openly. It is a kind of committing sin openly if a man does something at night, then morning comes and Allaah has concealed his sin, but he says, ‘O So and so, I did such and such last night,’ when his Lord has concealed him (his action) all night but in the morning he reveals that which Allah had concealed for him.” (Bukhari & Muslim)

Our sins are branded for years on facebook for all to enjoy. Imagine hundreds or even thousands of people ready to stand as witnesses against us on the day of judgement. A day where even our own limbs can turn against us. We all make mistakes but lets keep them private and inshAllah as the prophet (SAW) promised Allah swt will conceal them.

We can all do something about that photo which can be misconstrued and not brush it as harmless fun, as Allah swt says in surah Noor: “You counted it a little thing, while with Allah it was very great.” Step 1: “untag” yourself. Step 2: Kindly request to those who posted it, that it be removed as a proof of sincere repentance and to conceal your tracks.

3. Sneaky stalker
You must get the occasional message or adding from friends you never knew you had? And I’m not referring to the odd publicity hawk. This character is either lonely, trying to bump up their friends counter or downright creepy. “Salaam, I can see you like Islam mashAllah and btw I like practising too”…sorry…DONT GO THERE…we have nothing in common! Of course they’ll appear more insidious, yet the end result is the same; a request for more communication via different modalities. The prophet (SAW) was reported to have said:”Part of the perfection of someone’s Islam is his leaving alone that which does not concern him.” (tirmidhi) AKA MIND YOUR BUSINESS.

Let’s turn a new page in our Fantasy Book quest and give agent double 0 muslim a serious mission. Let’s strive to make every word that we type, every picture we post and every email that we send, a source of coolness for us on a day we’ll need it most. That’s our mission should we choose to accept it and this article will not self-destruct, but it’s hoped ummah reconstruct!

Over and Out!

Agent 00M