John was minding his own business on his way to a lecture at Uni when without warning… “Here take this…” and suddenly a slightly scary looking Arab guy with a 5 o’clock shadow thrusts a package into his hand. John is at first startled, then terrified. What is this thing he’s given me? Is it a bomb? Is it a death threat..?

…Is it a bomb wrapped inside a death threat? He smiles weekly and sees his life flash before his eyes… now, more than ever, he regretted wasting his time watching “Friends” when he could have been watching “24” to help him figure out what to do in this situation.  Were Phoebe, Joey or Chandler going to help him now that he had this weapon of mass destruction in his hands? No way…I’ll be there for you indeed… damn them.

He looked at the package and realised that he was holding a flyer  with lots of events listed on it. Now he remembered what was going on… it was Islam Awareness Week at University. The Muslims had suddenly appeared out of nowhere and were trying to remove the stereotypes about their religion by thrusting copies of Qurans and pamphlets entitled “Why all Kaafirs are going to burn in Hell – especially you.” He didn’t even know what a kaafir was, but he was glad he wasn’t one of them…or was he?

As he thought about this some more, John hurried to catch his lecture. He sat down where he always did, somewhere in the middle. He looked across and saw all the bearded  Muslim guys sat together at the back with the Muslim girls wearing headscarves sat at the front. He realised he’d never said hello or “Shalom” (John gave himself a satisfied pat on the back for getting the correct Arabic terminology) to any of them even though they were now in their 3rd year at the same University. He wanted to know a little more about them, but how does someone strike up casual conversation with Muslims?

He decided to go to one of the talks. He wanted to learn about Islam and Muslims, but mostly he was intrigued to find out who this Imaan girl was and why the ISoc was sticking up posters everywhere asking everyone to “discover” her. Was she  exceptionally pretty? Or funny?… He chuckled to himself. Of course she can’t be funny – isn’t it one of the five pillars of Islam to not smile or laugh? After all, he couldn’t remember the last time he saw a happy Muslim on campus. Well, he wasn’t sure but he’d already spent all his money on  buying the latest iPhone (turns out they have an app for everything apart from how to save money) so he could do with going to a free event for once.

At the talk John was scared. The imam had a very shaky grasp of English and John had a shaky (i.e. non-existant) grasp of Arabic – all John could decipher was that apparently the Bible practically told everyone to become Muslim and that Islam was the way. And apparently Jesus was Muslim. And Muslim wear headscarves because so does Mary. Interesting stuff, except that John like more than 90% of the students on campus didn’t really believe in the Bible, Jesus or Mary. They didn’t really believe in anything. The most complex theological or philosophical decision that he’d ever had to make in his life so far was whether to eat a Big Mac or the new Burker King Tex Mex special. (Note: The Big Mac won… it always does.)

As John wandered out of the lecture theatre he summarised to himself what he had learnt today. Muslims are not as bad as he thought, Islam is mentioned in the Bible, Kaafirs are  on their way to somewhere called jay-hanam and eating greasy chicken is mandatory at least once every few days. He felt satisfied that he had had a good days work, but he never did get to discover this Imaan girl. Oh well, maybe next time.